


I'm Gay (Da Ba De)

by Literally_No_One_Cares



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: But also not crack, Canon-typical swearing, Crack, M/M, Song Lyrics, Song Parody, and Dex and Nursey blowing his fucking mind, seriously just wanted to write Shitty being an overly opinionated ally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-14 02:19:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11198397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Literally_No_One_Cares/pseuds/Literally_No_One_Cares
Summary: Dex is gay, Shitty.





	I'm Gay (Da Ba De)

**Author's Note:**

> This is crack that takes itself kind of seriously. You've been warned

Shitty was yelling.

No, scratch that. Shitty was losing his goddamn mind, what the FUCK. Dex didn't even remember what was happening before he said it, and then Shitty was there (when did Shitty even get there? He lives in Boston how did he get there so fast?) lecturing up a storm.

“--super insensitive and offensive. There's literally a gay man living in this very Haus, bro. Gay is not an insult, it's not a thing you can just use negatively like that. Fuckin’, Jesus, Dex. I knew you came to us as but a small Republican dickwad but I didn't expect you to continue being a dickwad this long--”

All he had said was ‘that’s gay.’ That was it. Had it had something to do with Ransom and Holster? Maybe? He still couldn't remember.

He was very aware of Nurse standing next to him, also losing his shit, but in a different sense. Nursey was dying, all snorts and giggles and oh man that was also,,,, _very_ gay. As was Dex himself, which was why Nurse found this all so hilarious.

Dex and Nursey made Eye Contact™.

Not a single word of Shitty’s long-ass rant was sinking in. There was a silent question, hanging between Dex and Nursey. _You wanna shut him up?_ It wasn't clear which one was asking it, just that someone needed to do something to stop Shitty from choking on the foot he was currently shoving into his mouth.

Dex made the first move. He cupped Nursey’s jaw and pulled him in, kissing him gently.

“--and honestly, I've probably said that before too but that was before I knew that it was offensive and rude and...and...What? The? Fuck?”

Dex and Nursey broke apart, but stayed close enough for Nursey to press their foreheads together.

“Shitty, I’m gay,” Dex said slowly. “I am a man who finds other men attractive and wants to date them. I took a boy to my senior prom, I went with Nurse to Winter Screw and nobody said a word, we finally had a DTR talk after Lardo gave us her dibs. I am a gay man in a gay relationship with my gay boyfriend--well pan but you get the idea--everyday I wake up in my gay bed in my gay dorm and put on my gay clothes and go to gay hockey practice and eat gay pie made by another gay hockey player.”

Nursey continued losing his shit and grinning widely in Dex’s personal space, while Shitty seemed to be dropping frames as he tried to process too much data at once.

Then, Holster interrupted the scene, absolutely overjoyed. “ _Yo liSTEN UP, HERE’S A STORY-_ -”

“ _ABOUT A LITTLE GAY WHO LIVES IN A GAY WORLD_ ,” Ransom added in. This only made Nursey laugh harder, pushing away from Dex to double over.

“ _AND ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT AND EVERYTHING HE SEES IS JUST GAY LIKE HIM INSIDE AND OUTSIDE_.”

In his laughing fit, Nursey stumbled and knocked over: a lamp, a small table, Shitty, and an unexplained traffic cone that either Ransom or Holster had put in the living room.

As Ransom and Holster continued to go through their (very rehearsed) rendition of ‘Blue (Da Ba De)’, Dex tried to help up Shitty and Nursey. Unfortunately, Nursey just fell right back down.

“-- _I’M GAY DA BA DEE DA BA DIE_ \--”

**Author's Note:**

> YO LISTEN UP
> 
> did you laugh as much as I did?


End file.
